


it's time we saw a miracle

by lorenes



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Established Relationship, Ineffable Bureaucracy, Nonbinary Character, Other, Prompt Fill, anyway, mostly just posting this because im done looking at it in my drafts, zir/zirs/zirself pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 10:58:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19375336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorenes/pseuds/lorenes
Summary: Kink Meme fill:"Gabriel/Beelzebub--dealing with the fact they've been datingGabriel and Beelzebub are not only heaven and hell's respective bureaucratic leaders, they're also raging hypocrites. They've been in a secret relationship for millennia now.But that's okay because they know they're enemies. Right?Right.But then the apocalypse fails to happen, and suddenly things aren't so clear-cut anymore."might have sauntered vaguely away from the original prompt, but i claim artistic freedom. teehee





	it's time we saw a miracle

Beelzebub expected Dagon to be livid. Maybe shocked. But most of all, Beelzebub expected Dagon to stare at zir like you stare at someone who’s just confessed to be a zoophiliac with a preference for dead puppies, then grab zir by the collar and hurl zir into Satan’s lair and let Him decide the fit punishment for a traitor who’s been getting too touchy with the enemy.  
Zir did not expect Dagon to be amused, let alone cackle as they did now. They hugged Beelzebub on the side awkwardly as if they were the closest of friends.  
“Nice one, Lord Beelzebub!” they beam. “Tempting not just the enemy, but their _leader!_ That’s one way to tip the scales, aye?”  
Dagon leaves, still laughing. Beelzebub is in shock.  
“...That’s one way to put it, I suppozze?” Zir says, to no one in particular.  
Soon enough all of Hell knows - which is why Beelzebub was so proud of keeping the whole affair secret for millenia. Nothing remains private in Hell for long. Next thing zir knows, even the lowest ranked demons are smiling at Beelzebub and, Satan forbid, _patting_ zir on the back.  
Hastur is excited. He believes it will be a game changer when the Apocalypse happens, and starts a plan to tempt an angel himself.  
Beelzebub just goes with it, and is amused at the way Hell goes upside down over a simple confession. Demons are painfully easy to entertain sometimes.

________________________________________

Things happen a little differently Upstairs.  
Gabriel assembles the other Archangels, saying there’s something important happening that he can’t keep private anymore. Now that The Apocalypse turned into the Apocalypse 1st Try That Failed, he doesn’t want any more secrets between the higher ups starting with himself.  
Uriel, Michael and Sandalphon look at him, confusion written all over their expressions. It’s not like their leader to appear so nervous, yet Gabriel looks twitchy. He doesn’t know how to deal with the churning in his stomach.  
“Right,” he starts, unsure of what to say next. “I have been...”  
“Yes?” Uriel encourages him.  
“...Maybe, in a hypothetical way...”  
They all sigh. Michael checks her phone, bored.  
“...Involved with the enemy” Gabriel finishes.  
“Oh,” Michael locks her phone and looks back at him.  
“Alright,” Uriel starts. “And what about it?”  
“That’s bad, isn’t it?”  
“Not really”, Michael says. “We have a direct phone line with Hell. Getting along is...what we’ve been trying to do for a while now. I thought I sent you the memo?”  
“You guys aren’t getting it” Gabriel says, pinching his bridge and sighing. He thought this would be easier. “I’ve been...closely involved with one, you know-”  
He gestures his index finger going in an OK sign on his other hand, a gesture he learned from his partner. It felt ridiculously crude.  
“Hmm...” Sandalphon looks wary. “Who?”  
“...Beelzebub.”  
“Ah,” Uriel smiles sarcastically. “So zir _does_ have a thing for the holy after all.”  
“Not sure I’m following you there, Uriel” Gabriel raises an eyebrow, and wonders if he’s being mocked.  
“Don’t worry about it,” Michael replies, an understanding smile on her face. “You’re the Archangel fucking Gabriel.” She pats him on the back the kind and annoying way only angels do. The other two smile at him, but even he can tell it's somewhat fabricated.  
“So what you’re saying is-”  
“You can do whatever you want! Better yet, whoever you want.” Michael attempts a human wink, but fails miserably. Gabriel is in shock at the reaction he’s getting, half expecting the Archangels to drop the facade anytime now and throw him into a fire pit. “Who you’ve been consorting with is frankly none of our business”  
“If it helps, just think of it as spreading the Almighty’s message in a language they understand.” Uriel says, and the other two nod vehemently.  
Gabriel has no idea what to make of that.  
He wants to retort, _“I literally just confessed to being involved with the leader of our enemy, the actual Prince of Hell, and you’re all okay with that?”_ then thinks better of it and realizes, why on heaven should he complain? It’s not like he has fallen or ceased to exist yet, so it’s safe to assume not even the Almighty is worried about this arrangement.  
What Gabriel says then is: “Alright then, never mind. Thank you guys for...understanding. Now, is there something you three have to say? So there are no more secrets between us?”  
They eye each other suspiciously. “I think Sandalphon should start, his list goes back a while” Uriel says, and a seat rises from the floor behind her.

________________________________________

Gabriel finds it somewhat fascinating that human activities are so inherently human. Here he lay in bed with not just a regular demon, but their leader, naked and ass spread in the air as far as it can go and although he doesn’t have to breathe, he does.  
Or he is trying to. He’s out of breath, gasping, sweating, which he doesn’t even need to be doing, but his body is working on it’s own will now.  
Or maybe it is his celestial body's response to being sullied with the profane. Gabriel will be damned if it doesn't feel heavenly, though.  
Beelzebub pulls out slowly, a snarky smile on zirs lips, and lies down next to the Archangel. Zir looks at Gabriel’s flushed and tear stricken face after a good orgasm, and laughs at his painful expression when he turns around and tries to sit up.  
“Want me to go softer on you next time?” Beelzebub smiles ironically. Gabriel still thinks it’s beautiful.  
“Nah babe, you’re good. Just give me a moment or two to recompose.”  
They lie next to each other silently for a minute until Gabriel's comfort breathing evens out and ceases to exist.  
“So,” Gabriel tries speaking after a while. “Did you tell them?”  
“I’m getting a commendation for it, actually.” Beelzebub places an arm around him, and dries his tears almost carefully. “Next week. You’re invited to the ceremony”  
Gabriel laughs. “You're tellin' me to go to Hell now?”  
"That would make matters eazzy for a change. How about yourszz? How did they react?” Beelzebub asks.  
“They don’t mind. They have their own… affairs to attend to. Especially after the Apocalypse, there’s paperwork to finish.”  
He reaches to the counter next to the bed they’re sharing to find alcohol and two glasses, the mere thought of the mountain of paperwork waiting to be reviewed and signed on his desk making him groan internally.  
He pours himself one glass and passes Beelzebub the bottle. Zir breaks the bottle’s neck and downs almost half of it in one go.  
“Did it ever occur to you that we’re both hypocrites, Beez?” Gabriel asks, suddenly worried he might have passed a wrong image to his subordinates.  
Beelzebub looks at him blankly. “Iszzz that a seriouszz question?”  
“It's just that… I thought one of us was going to kill the other until last month. I prepared for that for millenia, made my peace with the Ineffable Plan. But that didn’t happen, and now here we are”  
“Izz that a complaint I hear?”  
“Of course not! It’s just strange to face it”  
“You don’t have to face shit, Gabriel.” Beelzebub takes another sip of the beverage. Neither of them know what it is due to the label being in a foreign language. “Whenever the almighty feelszzz like restarting the celestial board game, we’ll know. For now just indulge in a little fun for a change.”  
“But I’m not supposed to--”  
“You aren’t, that’szz true. Score for Hell. Let me have thiszzz”  
They remain quiet for a while, listening to the steady sound of a swarm of flies outside the room they’re staying. It’s a shitty motel somewhere in Los Angeles, with questionable pop music playing on speakers outside. Beelzebub recognizes it to be a popular female south american singer who keeps making the rounds in Hell parties.  
"Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t your people invent ‘what are we’ convos?"  
Beelzebub thinks really hard, and remembers it was Crowley of all people who came up with the general idea. The irony of it all. "Think so."  
"Hmm...wanna try it?"  
"Only you could ruin such a good moment." Beelzebub throws the bottle against the opposite wall, shards flying like sparks around them but miraculously missing both. "What the hell. You start."  
"Right," he sits up, eager smile making Beelzebub regret that decision already. "So angels are beings of love. We just… feel that sort of thing around. Better yet: we pick it up like signals. So there I am, must've been after our fourth or fifth date--"  
"They weren--"  
"Ah ah ah, no sir, let me finish. Anyway, I started picking up tiny changes in the atmosphere. They felt weird at first. What, something welcoming in the air in the presence of a demon?”  
“It’s juszzt filth sticking onto you, you melt. Happens when you fail to banish a demon”, Beelzebub rolls zir eyes and miracles a pint. Zir drinks it in one go and throws this new glass against the wall as well. This time, one shard scrapes against Gabriel’s buttock. “There’zz more sticking on you right now, by the way.”  
“And also, there was the fact that you stopped getting burns whenever we were near.” He closes the cut with a miracle, but not before some blood gets in the sheets.  
“...Huh. I thought that wazz your doing”  
“It’s not, Beez. That’s my point. Is there something you want to say?”  
Beelzebub sighs. Zir thought he had stopped being this naive, but angels really do need a wake up call now and then. “Demonszz don’t love, Gabriel. It’zz not in our nature”  
“But if I were to lay with someone else--”  
“You wouldn’t, loser.”  
“ _But if I did_ \--” He insists.  
“I’d deszztroy you. A demon doezzn’t get a commendation on Lust by sharing. Not that way, at leaszzt.” Gabriel frowns, and Beelzebub counts another score for Hell.  
“What I’m trying to say is that maybe we rubbed off on each other. The way they did.” Gabriel isn’t saying their names in here, in this moment.  
“Are you implying that we are..”  
“Dating, yes.” He looks expectantly at zir.  
Beelzebub just sighs and rubs zirs temple in annoyance. “Whatever gets you to shut up.”  
Gabriel smiles the most insufferable way he knows to.  
“Now are you going to keep being a shit,” Beelzebub retorts, almost impatiently, and hits him with a pillow. “Or can we get on to round two?”  
He giggles, a blush creeping on his cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> title from apocalypse please by muse because it played while i wrote this and i suck with titles  
> if anyone knows of an ineffable bureaucracy discord id love to join >:3c


End file.
